Why I have a boyfriend instead of a Husband?

I was married for 8 years to a man who I married when I was so young.  I didn’t know what I truly wanted and I tried to make it work, and back in 2008, we decided to part ways only to find out we were pregnant.  We stuck it out and got married for the sake of the unborn baby that we both were scared as hell to have.  We fought a lot about almost everything you can think of during the pregnancy, then I got sick with a lot of complications from the stress of being bound to this man that I wasn’t really happy with.  I convinced myself that I would rather my child have two parents than to have a child by myself and actually be happy!  I know I am not alone in this.  A lot of women get pregnant when they definitely didn’t want to or need to.  This man and I were together for 3 years when I got pregnant and I said to myself, “Okay this must be what God wants for me and even if I don’t want to spend forever with this man, we are having a baby.”

Then my first little boy, Sebastian, was born.  Red haired sweetheart with big beautiful eyes and stole my heart within seconds of being alive,  I knew I would never love anything that much so I convinced myself to do whatever it took to be the best mom to him, even if it meant being married to his father.  Now please understand, I am not a fan of broken homes.  I don’t think divorce is even remotely happy, whether you want to be divorced or not, it is painful on more than just you and the person you are divorcing.  It is like failing in the eyes of our creator and the law, and you just sit there wondering how you could have picked this person knowing what you know now.  Now I don’t hate my ex (most of the time) but I do wish I could’ve wised up and left before a little boys life was affected by the breakup.  I do wish I wouldn’t have been so scared to be alone so I could have just said good bye in the most peaceful way and walked away without having any emotional ties.  Then I think to myself, this man tried, he tried to love me, he tried to be the man I needed but it just wasn’t right from the beginning and the only thing he has ever been truly great at is being a dad.  Now I know why God made Sebastian and no matter what adversity I have to face with my ex, the one truly admirable thing about him is that he loves being a dad and does everything for Sebastian that he can.

Now that you know the back story, I met a man in middle school and reconnected with him after years of not talking.  We were pretty good friends back in the day, definitely didn’t hang out too much but he was a cool guy and we always had a good conversation when I saw him.  He appeared in my life during my divorce.  I was trying to move on with my life and he appeared and gave me a sense of hope.  Being married was awful for me and people always ask why I haven’t married my boyfriend yet, and my answer is always the same, “Been there done that and while I want to get married again one day, I need to focus on the happy moments and make sure I have the right guy now so I don’t get hurt again.”

Yes I got pregnant again and Grayson came into the world.  My big blue eyed blondish haired baby boy, but I feel no obligation to get married because right now it’s just perfect and I don’t want to mess up perfection with doubt and fear of what marriage represents to me after my first failed attempt.  I come from a happy home with two parents who love each other to the end of the Earth and back, so I know I will get married again, but this time it will be for forever, so no rush on forever, right?


Tough Day: Holding my Eyes Open with my Fingers

So here’s the deal…. We got a new Sleep-Comfort bed (well in the spirit of full disclosure, it was new to us but wasn’t brand new since we swapped beds with my brother because he wanted a smaller bed and he had a king and we had a queen). Anyways, you fill it with air until it is comfortable and just the way you like it. Well, bright and early this morning, my whole side of the bed was completely deflated (by 4:45AM) and since the thing to fill it is so loud, and my boy friend was sleeping next to me, I didn’t want to wake him up, so long story short, I have been up ever since. After 2 cups Cafe Bistro, a cup of Folgers and a pumpkin spiced latte from the gas station and I am still ready to go to bed. I am forcing myself to stay awake…..    

So this is how my day has gone.  After waking up on what felt like a piece of ply wood, I decided to get to work on some of the websites I need to finish, and the curriculum for my new classes and webinars (if your interested the link is http://www.learningwithnicole.com).  So I figured I would take a nap at some point today just because I literally went to bed at around 1AM and woke up to my flat, hard as a rock  bed at 4:45AM, but no……Here’s what actually happened.  

But first here are the boys sleeping soundly:


Bash Passed out on mine and Tylers bed

Buckle up your seatbelt…. Here comes the ride from Hell

I seriously had one of the most stressful months I have ever had in a long time and today was like just straight chaos. On top of all that was going on, I have to vent about some serious stuff, but I will do that after I tell you about today.  Here we go……

First, the water guy shows up at around 6:45SM.  We have to move our tank from the old house to our new house, which was a fiasco.  Then we have to have him drill all the way from our pantry to our sink.  I let him go to work and I go back to doing my own work.  Ten maybe twenty minutes later, “Nicole, there is a slight issue with the water pressure.”  I have no idea what is going on nor do I speak water, so I kindly ask what we can do to fix this issue.  “Well I don’t know if I have the tools with me to fix it, but I will try.”  Well water guy fixes the pressure (YAY) but then the dishwasher overflows and floods the kitchen (NO). A couple of towels later and we have a clean kitchen.  Plus I guess my grandmother was the one who started the dishwasher, so that could be the reason for the flood since she just presses any button and walks away.  Anyways the water fiasco ended with a signature on a piece of paper, and Tyler and Delmar (Tyler’s dad who came to live with us and he is the best damn guy I know) cleaned up the water flood situation.  

I go back to work.  Tired, coffee number two brewing, and in comes pest control guy.  Well, allow me to explain the situation.  About a week ago we moved from one house to another on the same property.  We used to live in a tiny, maybe 900 square foot cottage in the back of the property.  We had neighbors who literally had SEVEN (7) Kids.  They were evicted for not paying for several months, and HALILUJIA to that because they were the worst neighbors.  They had a pit bull that they weren’t even supposed to have that would come over to our side of the property and basically scratch the back door or the screen, they had around 25 chickens and at one point 3 very loud and obnoxious Roosters (Who cockadoodled all day), then there was the pig.  Before I get into the pest control guy, let me just tell you about the pig, whose name was Bacon.  

When Bacon was little, he/she (let’s just go with it) would nibble on your toes and it was no bigger than a yorkie. I didn’t mind it but I figured it would grow out of that habit.  NOPE! Never stopped doing that, but apparently, according to the neighbors from hell, I was the only one Bacon would nibble on.  Well, moving on, this pig would Rome the property and basically come running at you like a P38 whenever you would get out of your car.  When it was little, I didn’t care, but then it got kind of big (like the size of a pit bull).  During the whole pig ordeal, I was pregnant with my little boy.  

Eventually, “Bacon” the evil shit brained pig, started getting aggressive.  By aggressive, I mean this pig would run up behind you and slam into you and sometimes even bite you.  The “Pig” was actually a rapidly growing “HOG”.  If you have never seen a wild hog, Google it.  They are very aggressive and nasty little fuckers! A hog can tear you up and this growing hog was starting to get bigger and bigger and basically roamed free around the shared property.  Look, I am a nice and patient person and I tried being friendly with these people, but they literally allowed so much chaos on the property, that I finally started being blunt about my feelings.  Number one, Bacon needs to be penned as it is getting to be too aggressive, number two keep your dog in your fenced in yard, number three why are your pet bunnies running around on my side of the property? I mean is it so hard for you to buy them a cage that will keep them safe and on your side (yes we fed them and made sure they didn’t get picked up by a hawk or eagle) and number four get rid of the Roosters that are cockadoodle-dooing all MOTHER FUCKING day.  We have no animals, we were always quiet and we never did anything to make them uncomfortable and unhappy, but we had a slew of issues with them and the animals they neglected.  

When I was about 8 months pregnant, I was getting out of my car and I was bent over grabbing my purse and my things out of the car.  As I was bent over, Bacon came up from my behind me, slammed into me so hard I slammed my head on the middle console of the car and then it bite me.  The bruise I had on my leg was no joke about 12 inches long by 4 inches wide.  I tried to kick the pig away and I screamed for Tyler who came running out.  He grabbed the bat and started hitting the pig repeatedly trying get the pig to stop.  But it wouldn’t.  Eventually it got to the point where we had to carry a bat out with us whenever we would go to the car or come out of the car.  One day, Tyler walked outside to the sounds of my oldest son screaming for help to find the pig repeatedly slamming into him.  Tyler again took out the bat and tried to stop it.  Bash was terrified to leave the house unless Tyler and the bat were with him.  I had finally had enough and called the landlords (my parents).  My mom said that it wasn’t her problem and I needed to deal with it with them.  Finally one day she came over with the tree guy and Bacon attacked not only her, but the tree guy.  That was the end of Bacon. They were to either pen the hog or get rid of it, but if it was out roaming free again, they were out.  I guess the pig had a heart attack and died and I have no details on the situation other than that. 

Anyways, that was a long detour back to the pest control guy and his arrival today, but there is a reason I told you about the people who lived here, because as soon as we moved in to the house they once lived in, GERMAN COCKEROACHES are literally everywhere.  By everywhere, I mean they are living inside the oven, inside the circuit boards of the oven, microwave, and dishwasher and they are everywhere.  At first I thought it was nothing too bad, but it is so bad that we have to leave the house for two days, after moving all the appliances to the curb and bleaching the whole kitchen.  And we have to stay at a hotel while all this is being done because it is not safe to stay here while they destroy the infestation.  I don’t know what grosses me out more, the fact that there are cockroaches everywhere, or that these people lived with them and did nothing about it.  

Pest control guy basically said it would cost a minimum of $350 to get rid of them and my mom said too much.  Sometimes, I wish my mom had to live with them, because I guarantee that if this was her place of residence, she wouldn’t care how much to get rid of them.  We finally called the guy who she recommended and he came by and said we need to leave the house till the potentially lethal (to the baby only) chemicals were cleared out of the house.  So now we have a reservation at the Marriott in Jensen Beach for the 2 days it will take to remove the roaches, and best part (it cost me $200 total for both nights thanks to an advertisement that wasn’t supposed to be online by Marriott and they honored it).  So I guess the good that came out of this whole ordeal is that now, we get to have a little stay-cation on the beach in a fabulous hotel. 

Next, I had to literally run after the mail lady, because I completely forgot to tell her we moved into the new house.  That was so much fun and I got tore up by red ants, just for a tiny package. UGH!!! Most awful thing about living in Florida is the red ants and then there’s the ridiculously hot days that make you wish you lived in Alaska.  

So while all this craziness was happening, I was also trying to build a website for a client and launch another website for another client and answer questions for my coworkers.  Today made me realize that on the nights you get no sleep, you will have the craziest day to follow.  This day was nuts.  I mean hardcore, fucked in the ass, crazy shitty day. So glad it is almost night time and so glad my baby goes to bed at 8, because I am joining him in that bedtime tonight. 

After all that craziness, I went back to work and found my boys sleeping peacefully.  I was wishing I could do the same but that’s when I met coffee number three so I can get through the rest of the day and go to bed early.   I am super grateful that the people that were here are no longer here and I am thoroughly enjoying the quiet, the lack of crazy animals (especially Beacon and the cockadoodlers) and I am ready to have a stay-cation while pest control guy gets rid of the nastiness that these disgusting people left behind.  I truly feel bad for the new landlords and I hope that they learn to be more neighborly.  Oh and the last text message I got from her was, “Maybe one day you will learn to be nicer to people” even though I commented back that I am nice to everyone (Which is true), I really wanted to say that “Maybe one day you will learn to not be a terrible neighbor and a bitch to someone who has put up with more shit then they should have.  Bye bye to the Freeloaders and the chaos they bought with them.  I am so thankful to be living in a much bigger place.

Chicken head = cut off! 

I know I make no sense but I am absolutely insanely busy and I believe it is a good thing but I am also trying my best to keep up with my kids and their needs as well. I work super hard and I try my best to be the best person I can be. Sometimes I feel like the walls are closing in on me and right now I feel like I’m getting close. Lol how does one keep it together when the work flow keeps piling on lol 

Check out this Video by Club World 360

This is my favorite Dj in the world. She has some of the most awesome mixes I have ever heard and I had to share her with y’all! Hope hou enjoy her as much as I and all of her fans do! Xoxo
Love Niki Maria

DJ Blondie Music

Hey Loves,

Here is a preview into my life as DJ Blondie.  I love what I do and wouldn’t change it for the world and it is because of you, my fans and my friends that make up the Blondie family.  I always thank God for all of you.  I am so blessed.

This video shows my photo shoot and at the end it shows me doing what I love, DJ’ing.  Let me know what you think of my video by leaving a comment below.  To see more cool updates like this use the subscribe button to the right. Can’t wait to see your comments.

XOXO Blondie

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Unexpected Surgical Nightmare: Round 5

Getting Admitted: Round One  

I have to say I hate being stuck as a patient in the hospital.  It’s like being in jail but you are getting medicated the whole time.  So the first night is always the worst.  They have no more major tests or studies to conduct, however your nurses and techs are coming around every three to four hours to give medicine and take your vitals.  Then there is the bed which isn’t exactly uncomfortable but it isn’t like being in your own bed.  On top of everything else, they don’t allow you to eat for a while during the time they are running studies and deciding what to do.

After the first night, my Doctor came in and told me that they are going to run a bunch of tests and if they don’t find anything they are going to do an exploratory surgery to see if they can find anything inside me that could be causing the problem.

I went through several tests and all of them came back with varying results.  I was low on potassium, I had swelling in my small intestines, my bowel was full and needed to be emptied and I had some minor gallbladder stones.

After nearly a week in the hospital, and about 1000 tests and studies, I was put in for surgery.  Yet another laparoscopic procedure to see if they can find the source of the problem. There was nothing remarkable found in the surgery.  I had two adhesion’s that were fusing my colon and bladder together and my large and small intestines together.  I stayed in the hospital one more night and was sent home with a couple of prescriptions for antibiotics, nausea, pain and inflammation.  I thought I was done with the whole nightmare, but I was barely done with the first chapter.

Upon getting home, I again took it easy and tried to rest a lot.  I took my medicine as directed and low and behold, the pain came back.  This time worse than the last.  Vomiting, slight fever, high blood pressure, chills, doubled over and ready to scream. I called the doctor and he said, back to the ER.

Unexpected Surgical Nightmare: Round 4

The Aftermath of my Hospital Escape

Upon getting home from horrible experience at Traditions, my Doctor called and said, “Nicole why did you leave the hospital?  You need to go back immediately.  I have orders to have you admitted so we can get down to the issue of your pain and discomfort.  Please return to the hospital right away.”

I told him what had happened and how I was severely neglected from the time I got there and how rude the nurses were and how I hadn’t seen a doctor and how I waited in the waiting room in pain for nearly an hour.  I asked him if I could go to another hospital, but unfortunately, he only had privileges at Traditions.  I decided in that moment that before I set foot back into that hell hole hospital, I was going to call the person in charge and make sure that I was going to be treated with the respect and attention that any person who comes to their facility deserves.

That’s when I met Tim.  He is what they call the Aid In (not sure if I am saying that right) but basically he is one of the kings of the nursing staff at Traditions.  I told him about the whole experience from start to finish and how I was told to come back because of how sick I am from the pain I am in. He was livid that I was treated so badly. He was very kind and made sure that when I got there, that he had a bed ready for me in both the emergency room and the 4th floor where I was being admitted to.  He had a nurse named Weston who stayed by my bed side throughout my whole time in the E.R. and made sure I had the best drugs to deal with the pain and anxiety of being in the hospital yet again.  I have to say that despite the fact that I will never return to Traditions unless I had no other choice, Tim made me feel very good about my return and the only other way I will return again is if I speak to Tim or his partner Bill to ensure that I am treated fairly.  Pretty sad to me that you actually have to beg to be treated appropriately.

On a side note, there should be a special school for nurses called “The Tenderness Class” or perhaps the “Don’t be an Ass Hole to your Patients” class.  The class should include instructions on how to handle a lot of patients, time management, tenderness and patience lessons. It would make a good nurse great and you can weed out all the shitty nurses.  Just so everyone who reads this knows, I love nurses and the nurses I had a Martin Memorial North Hospital were exceptional.  They should be the one’s training the idiots that have ZERO bed side manor.  The absolute last thing any nurse should say to a patient is how they are not important because there are other more important cases. That should be grounds for immediate termination.

I will say that the blessing of Tim and Weston was truly the best thing that happened to me.  They were professional, caring, kind and above all they made sure that I wasn’t neglected or treated with any kind of disrespect.  I knew that this wasn’t the end of the rode for me, and I knew that I had a lot of hell to go through before I would have an answer but at least I was feeling comfortable and cared for.

Unexpected Surgical Nightmare: Round 3

The New, and Most Definitely Not Improved, Emergency Room Accommodations: The room with the dying woman and the worst nurse on the planet!

Once I was placed into the new room with the dying woman (who I prayed for and hope that her family finds peace), a guy from CT Scan finally came to deliver to me a contrast drink that I was to drink and then he would return in two hours to take me for my CT Scan.  I drank the whole disgusting beverage which was essentially iodine contrast mixed with Chrystal Light Lemonade.  After finishing the beverage, I waited and waited and somehow four hours had passed and no one had come to get me.  I started to get really anxious as I continued to press the nurse call button and no one showed up.  after another 2 1/2 hours of waiting and waiting for a nurse or someone to come, I went into a full blown frenzy of a panic attack and had to take the Klonopin I had sitting in my purse. When my nurse FINALLY showed up after the hours of waiting, I told her I was in more pain and wanted to see a doctor immediately.  She literally said, “Honey (yes she is condescending), everyone is busy with critical patients and you are not critical and not dying so you need to be patient.  A Doctor will only come if you are bleeding, or coding out in cardiac arrest because we are busy.  We gave you some pain medicine about 2 hours ago (which was actually 5 hours ago) and you have to be patient until we have a chance to get more orders from the doctor.”  Of course, the doctors weren’t going to come unless I was bleeding or coding so I guess the option of getting a doctor was out of this realm of possibilities.

Of course I stuck up for myself and said, “Take the IV out of my arm, I am leaving because I deserve to be treated as well as everyone else who is here.  If there aren’t enough doctors and I can’t get you to show up for three hours, than I would rather go to a hospital that is capable of handling my case.”  I was very upset and felt completely unwelcome.  Anyone would have felt this way if they were in my situation. So I started taking off all the machines in front of this nurse whose name is Dani.  Once I had removed everything, I asked for her help taking out the IV, but she refused to help me until I signed papers that said I was leaving “against medical advice” (also known as an AMA form).  I literally said, “I am not leaving AMA, because I have not received any medical advice nor have I seen a doctor at all.”  Holy crap you would think I just killed this woman’s dog because she went off on me after that, and began to act like a manic nut job.

“You have been seen by multiple nurses, and I have come every time you called and the last time I came you were sleeping.  You boyfriend (pointing to Tyler sitting quietly in the chair) can attest to the fact that I came and by the time I got here you were sleeping (Tyler said yes but told her to wake me up and she didn’t) and I didn’t want to wake you.  In addition to all the nurses you have seen, you have also been seen by ER Doctor, Doctor (I forgot his name 🙂 ).  You have been pushy and needy while I have several more critical patients that are in much more dire situations than yours.  If you still want to leave, then you will need to sign this paper in order to do so.”  After her speech, she slammed my curtain closed and walked right over to the nearby nurses bench, literally 5 feet from my room, where she proceeded to loudly talk badly about me and make me feel even worse.  At that point, not only was I completely pissed off, but I was not staying a moment longer.  I took out my own IV and taped it down and walked right out to the nurses station where she was standing and this is what I said;

“Listen, I don’t know why you got so sensitive about me asking for help when I needed it, I don’t know why you think you know everything about my case, but let me be very clear, you are completely and totally unprofessional and need to grow up.  Let’s start from the beginning, since you seem to think that telling less critical patients how unimportant they are. Number one, I have not seen a doctor at all since I have been here, I only saw a very passionless Physicians Assistant who called me a drug addict then after reading the notes from my doctor (and not even apologizing) finally decided to give me the pain meds that my doctor ordered for me, which did nothing for the pain I am still in.  Number two, I pressed the call button a total of 3 times within a 3 1/2 hour span and not you or any other nurse showed up, so when you finally did you should have woke me to make sure everything was okay. We are completely unsure as to what is going on and I could very well be bleeding internally or have a fast moving infection that could kill me without warning, so before you judge a patient on how critical they are, get your fucking facts straight.  Number three, you are not the reason I am leaving, you were very nice until you coped an attitude, but the reason I am leaving is because I don’t feel as though anyone here cares about whether I am here or not, and I believe I can get better care elsewhere .  Number four, I will not ever sign that AMA document because I am not leaving against medical advice because news flash, I got no medical advice.  The next time you think you are going to talk to me as if I am not a patient in need of care, I will report you and this shit hole hospital to the medical board of Florida and make sure that your nursing license is scrutinized and possibly taken from you.  I truly believe you need to learn to treat every patient as if they are in need of assistance because no one wants to sit in the emergency room of any hospital regardless of the reason.  I know that a lot of people abuse the emergency rooms and I understand that you have to do your best to weed those people out, but if you took the time to read my chart and get to know my case, you would know I am here for a surgical complication and anything could happen due to that reason.  I am not the type of person to be needy or whiny, I truly have agonizing pain that won’t go away and your job is to be there for your patients and cater to their needs.  If you are incapable of this, then why be a nurse?”

After I said my peace, this insane nurse said, “You have no right to judge me as a nurse or make me feel bad when I came every time you pressed the call button (which was of course a huge LIE).  Before you leave, you have to speak to my charge nurse because when you chose to leave without being discharged, you are leaving AMA and the insurance company won’t pay for your visit. Let’s go so we can talk to my charge nurse.”  Just to make sure you understand, the whole time she was speaking, her eyes were tearing up like I ruined her day and she was so snarky and nasty.  I wish I could have recorded this conversation on my phone or something because it was literally like talking to my 7 year old.  This lady was without question one of the rudest nurses I have ever met.  She started out as a sweetheart and became Jekyll and Hyde right in front of my face.  It was nuts!

So I said nicely that speaking to her charge nurse would not be necessary.  Either way I stopped and spoke to the level headed lady named Diana.  “What happened?” she said.  I basically told her I was leaving and that “NUT BALL” was making a big deal of it thinking that I am leaving because of her.  The truth was that I literally was being neglected regardless of who was to blame and I asked her why should I stay in a place where I am being neglected while I am in so much pain I can barely breath? She apologized for my treatment and asked me if I would please sign the AMA document. I told her my reasons as to why I would not sign it and she left me alone and told me to have a good night.  It really was a simple and straight forward conversation.  If the nurse would have just listened to me, the whole situation did not need to happen.  This is the difference between being in a place where the nurses are good nurses and a place where the hire any old riff raft to care for you.

Before anyone gets too upset about my opinion of Traditions Medical Center, I want to point out that there were some fantastic nurses there once you are admitted and there are even a few exceptional nurses in the ER as well, I just had the bad fortune to get the one nurse that literally needed to be medicated for her obnoxious mood swings.  Anyways, as the story goes on, sometimes it’s better to speak up and say how you feel about a person, than to just keep it inside.  Who knows, maybe I made her think hard about the way she treats people.  Maybe I made it better for the next less critical patient who had the bad fortune to get her as a nurse, but all I know is that I left that place still rattled in pain and throwing up and I knew I was going to have to go back to the hospital, but everything inside me did not want to go back to Traditions.

Unexpected Surgical Nightmare: Round 2

Traditions Medical Center: The Worst Emergency Room I have ever been to!

Once I got to Traditions, I walked up to the triage nurse and was told to take a seat as he proceeded to take my vitals.  My blood pressure was extremely high (156/107) due to both my agonizing pain and my anxiety of hospitals, and to top it off my temperature was around 100.5.  He insisted on retaking all the vitals and got the same results again. I was obviously not feeling well but the guy was just not getting it.

The place was an absolute mad house!  I mean, they had beds lining all the hallways filled with people, nurses running around like they were lost, codes being called all over the place, doctors who looked sleep deprived and overwhelmed and PA’s (Physician’s Assistants) who were trying to read notes and make arrangements to see the new and less serious patients.

I started out in a cozy little room with two nurses; Sara and Tara.  Sara was arrogant and completely unsympathetic to my situation and Tara was trying to go on a break the whole time they were getting me situated.  I only saw the Sara once and Tara twice.  After about 45 minutes of sitting in agony and dry heaving, a PA finally came in.  Much to my surprise, she said she would not offer me anything for pain because she thinks I was a pain med seeker, thanks to all the junkies in Florida.  I was absolutely furious that instead of letting me speak, she had immediately judged my situation.  Finally, when she got done listening to her self-righteous ideals of what she “Thought” was the situation, she gave me an opportunity to talk.  I simply said, as kind as possible, “My Doctor sent me here due to a complication from my surgery 5 days ago. Before you start assuming that you know what is going on, would you please take the time to review my chart.”  she got really quiet while reading my chart and instead of apologizing, she ordered me 1 MG of Dilaudid through my IV, which is a heavy and very effective IV Pain Relief medicine.  After dosing me up with meds, she told me that they have a super critical patient coming and needed to move me to another area to accept this patient.  Within 5 minutes, my wheel chair arrived and I was put into a room with a dying woman who had complete renal (kidney) failure.

At this point, my pain was coming back and I was starting to feel the urge to throw up.  I was truly in agony and doing my best to keep it together.  The numb throbbing pain, had turned into a miserable stabbing pain and the Dilaudid was not helping at all.  I was crying and curled up in a ball on my stretcher with my boyfriend rubbing my head telling me that we were in the right place to get answers and I had to try and relax.  Relaxing was not an option as the throbbing raged on and I felt completely helpless.  Here I am waiting for some answers, and nothing….. more nothing and……. oh what do you know … more nothing.

Unexpected Surgical Nightmare: Round One

Hey everyone!! I have so much to tell you about the last few weeks.  I sort of cannot believe this is all happening because I was feeling totally healthy and normal three weeks ago, pre-surgery.  This is the whole story broken into a couple of posts.  I hope y’all enjoy the Unexpected Surgical Nightmare Mini Series.  It will answer almost all of your questions about what has been going on since my original surgery.

So here is the beginning of what happened….

The Big Decision to Tie my Tubes and Stop having Babies

My boyfriend and I have three kids now, two boys and a girl; so we made a decision to be done with having babies so we can focus on them and their little bright futures.  As you all may already know, each child needs to have their own room or there should be no more than two kids in a room.  In addition to living accommodations, they need their own clothing, their own bathroom supplies, their own gear for sports and other activities and their own life insurance and college savings plans.  It is beyond expensive now-a-days to raise a child.  Anyways, we made the difficult decision to tie my tubes and maybe get him a vasectomy just to be extra careful.  After making up our minds, the doctor did his best to talk us out of doing the surgery but it was set in our minds that we will be going through with this surgery.  Making a decision like this wasn’t something that came easy.  We love our children and of course we have thought about having more, but the reality is that we need to focus on supporting and raising the kids we have without breaking the bank and killing our lifestyle.  So many of my friends and family asked me why I didn’t do the surgery when I had my c-section back in September, and the answer is simply this, we weren’t ready to make a decision that big at the time.  Our sweet baby boy came a month early which gave us no time to make a decision and I wasn’t going to rush the decision and end up regretting it. Every person is entitled to make their own decisions about their bodies and I chose to wait just to be sure I was okay with the decision.  I really wanted to try for a girl, but to be completely honest, being a mom of two boys is already a lot to juggle, plus I own a business and try to do volunteer work here and there.  So anyways, we went through with the surgery after discussing all the possibilities in depth.

Little did we know….. Hell was about to break loose.

The Tubal Ligation

On January 21st 2016, I walked into the hospital to have a routine Tubal Ligation Procedure.  This is a Laparoscopy procedure that leaves two small incisions that are either stapled or sutured together to heal.  The recovery time is about two to five days depending on your pain tolerance.  It’s also an out patient procedure, so I went home that same day directly after the anesthesia wore off.

Upon getting home, I took it easy and laid in bed for the most part.  On Friday, I spent the day relaxing and getting caught up on some light work duties.  I was healing great and the pain was already receding but I had this numb throbbing pain in my lower abdomen.  I honestly didn’t think it was anything to worry about and I assumed it was normal at that point.

By the time Saturday rolled around, I thought it was over.  No more cramping, no more regular pains, just here and there that weird throbbing pain would hit me, but nothing Tylenol and rest couldn’t handle.

Sunday was when the fun began.  I woke up on Sunday, January 24th and had a fever, was throwing up and feeling miserable.  The pain was a constant stabbing agony that I couldn’t do anything to make it stop.  I doubled up on my pain meds per doctors orders (5 mg Percocets) and I laid in bed trying to figure out what I was going to do to make the agony stop.  Finally I realized the pain was bigger than me and it was time to get help.

I called my Doctor and asked him what I should do and his immediate response was to go to the hospital.  So Sunday night, I went to Martin Memorial Hospital South.  They did blood work, urine work, X-rays, a CT Scan with IV Contrast and a pelvic exam.  The only negative report they got was swelling around my small intestines and a slight bacterial infection. Once the PA came in to share the results, she basically put me on Percocets again, a gel for the infection and some light antibiotics for the swelling in my small intestines; then she sent me home with an appointment to see my doctor (who did the surgery) the next day at 10 AM.  She also urged me to not hold the baby and not lift more than 5 pounds and to bascially stay in bed.  I am not very good at staying in bed, in fact I absolutely hate laying in bed for hours on end and had no interest in doing that at all, but I did it.

When I arrived at the doctors office the next day, he took one look at me and said, “I am admitting you into the hospital because I don’t like that your vitals are unstable (my blood pressure was 165/106, low grade fever of 100.3, my oxygen was low at about 84 and my pain was about a solid 9 on a scale of 1-10), your still vomiting, your pale white and you don’t look well at all.  We need to see what is going on.” I honestly didn’t want to go back to the hospital again but he pleaded with me that it was super important and needed to be a priority.  He called the hospital (Traditions Medical Center in Port Saint Lucie -FL) and off I went.

At this point, I was hopeful that they would figure it out pretty quickly.  I mean, a tubal ligation is such a simple surgery so I was optimistic that it was probably just a small infection and antibiotics would do the trick.  What actually happened, was not at all what I expected and I didn’t realize that I was going to be severely sick and in agonizing pain for what seems like forever, and yes I am still in pain.  Trust me when I tell you, when you have a complication from a surgery, it affects everything in your life.  You don’t get to feel good or normal and you don’t know when it will end.  Anyways, before I get too ahead of myself, I went to Traditions hospital and all I have to say is….. Read the next post.

The Light at the end of the Garbage Can

Here’s the Back Story

First off, God is great and I am not writing this blog to complain.

I have been through some rough times over the past few weeks, struggling with unexplained pain in my abdomen and really trying hard to figure out why.  I have tried to push for answers, have tried to endure all the difficult tests; from blood work, urine samples and stool samples to procedures, x-rays and CT scans.  My body is not only exhausted but the pain lives on, pushing me into a corner and making me feel helpless.


I have been very blessed to have some of the most amazing nurses (who I now consider friends), including Lori, Katie and Berlinda. These wonderful women have been by my side lifting my spirits and giving me hope throughout the awful disappointment of getting no answers.  All of these ladies have been there even when I cried and especially when I laugh, giving me more than just hope.  I can only imagine that when they chose to become a nurses, they never imagined the impact they would make on each life they touch.  I feel as though I am one of their children and they treat me with a respect that cannot be fake or deceived.  God I am so beyond happy and thankful for you all, not just the ones I named but all of you.  You are all very special to me and the job you do everyday is hard and I can’t even begin to imagine what it is like to do what you do.  Here is some love for you and I can only hope that you all go home and care for yourselves the same way you care so diligently for us patients.  I definitely don’t think nurses get enough credit for all the hard work, energy, life saving and sacrifice you do for your patience.  THANK YOU!!! and here are some funnies:

The Crazy Downfall of Niki Maria: Yup I ate Shit


Tonight was a scary night! I started to have cramps in my belly like I needed to poop (sorry we all do it).  Then the sensation to puke started to happen.  I got out of my bed and made my way to the bathroom to take care of the pooping issue.  As soon as I got to the bathroom, the sensation to puke got way worse and so I sat on the toilet puking in the garbage can and pooping, which was not pretty.  This made the pain in my stomach unbearable.  I knew my nurse was coming because I told her that I was going to throw up.  Little did she know, I was sitting in the bathroom ready to faint.

Once Lori got to the bathroom, I looked at her and I remember saying, “I think I am going to faint,” and that’s the last thing I remember before being bombarded by nurses all over my room.  after that fabulous fainting session, I bought myself a ticket to “Fall Risk” land. Fall Risk patients wear yellow socks and usually have a yellow band on their arms, which someone decided not to give me, so my fashion remained a paisley green hospital gown with white undies, a red allergy tag and a white and blue hospital band.  However, they boobie trapped my bed with an alarm that went off when I tried to go potty.  (Note: Don’t boobie trap my bed unless you want me to piss my pants next time 😉 )

I don’t know how long I lost conciseness, but I am a lucky girl that Lori was there or I would have had a head injury or broken ligament.  Again, another win by the team of awesome nurses.  Thank you Martin Memorial Hospital for hiring these amazing women!  Note to Martin Memorial’s HR Department:  There are quite a few horrible nurses that I won’t call out in this blog, but I strongly recommend that you do a little more thorough “Ass-Hole” screening while hiring nurses because there are some real “Winners” in the emergency room.


If you have to get checked into a hospital anywhere in the tri-county of the Treasure Coast it is worth it to go to Martin Memorial North off East Ocean in Stuart because the MedSurg 4 East Nurses are ROCKSTARS!!!!!!  <— Notice the exclamations ….. Here’s a few more –> !!!!!!

The Hospital Struggle is REAL

On a serious note, the struggle of being in and out of the hospital for nearly two weeks has been hard on my family, hard on the man I love, hard on my babies, hard on my ex husband, hard on my friends and very very hard on me.  I never realized how much my friends and family needed me around and not being there has been a horrible feeling for me.  I have tried my best to make the best of the situation and try to bring joy to the people around me but I feel so sad and scared inside.  Being away from my babies is truly making this even more impossible for me.

I have given a lot of prayers to those around me who have taken the time to uphold normalcy for my boys and giving them love where I am unable to give it to them myself.  The only thoughts I have in my head at this point is fear of the unknown and love and trust in God.  As much as I am scared, I have God all around me.  I feel him touching my life right now.  I feel him giving me his energy and love while I suffer through this unknown and uncharted territory.

Inside my small room, I have a room mate.  I look to my right and I see a woman who has lost her leg.  I don’t know why, but my poor room mate has lost a ligament of her body, and it breaks my heart for her and for her family.  In my heart, it feels so wrong to even ask God to take care of me, when this poor woman is suffering more than me.  I am just going to do my best at this point to give all of this pain, sadness, fear and hardship to God for him to handle.  He has done so much for me.  He has given me so many blessings already.  I am so lucky to be able to be a part of this lesson even when it seems impossible to get through.  We must never forget that even in the hardest of times, God is teaching us a lesson and once it is revealed we can get closer to our purpose.


Every woman says how lucky she is to have her man, but it’s my turn to say it.  I have the best, goofiest, smartest, sweetest, sexiest and beyond amazing man I could have ever asked for.  Even when we fight, no one in this world could love me better than him.  Tonight, he came all the way to the hospital to see me, but he also took my oldest son here to see me and it made my night to see them both.  I am so proud of Tyler.  He is the most amazing father to our son, the most loving step father to my son and an absolutely perfect man for me.  Because of him, I have been fighting harder to go home.  I want to be back with him so I can see him when I go to bed and when I wake up.   With tears of joy literally running down my face right now, I know with every fiber of my being that this man is the one I will spend the rest of my life with.  No matter how long or short it may be, I can’t do this life without you.  When you showed up tonight and brought me my boy, you made me day brighter than the sun.  I love you and I will never get tired of telling you. I can’t wait to marry you.

My Friends

When you go through something big, that is when you realize who your friends are.  I know a lot of my “friends” have kids but I am realizing through this experience that most of the people I thought were good friends are actually more concerned with themselves.  It doesn’t make me mad, in fact it doesn’t bother me at all and I am not writing this blog to focus on those people but I just wanted to make mention that this is something I am noticing.  The true friends, the ones who care so much and make an effort this one is for you. Thank you for caring about me in my biggest time of need.  Your efforts to stay in touch have not gone unnoticed.


How do you top that perfect Blog?  I said it all, I said everything I felt from the top to the bottom.  I feel like I just expressed every ounce of emotion inside of me and I feel completely free.  I am So blessed from all the wonderfulness I have in my life and all the new wonderfulness that come into my life.

Redhead girl at wheat field