I am very blessed to have each and everyone of my as friends. Everyone has been so supportive, including my brothers and parents. I really have never hurt this much in the past. It’s like it hurts to breath, it hurts to laugh and its impossible to get a good night of sleep. I toss and turn, then I wake up six seven times a night with tears in my eyes. I keep dreaming about him with another woman and dreaming about him in general. His face is always in my mind and I hate it. I want to go to hypnotist and have them erase the last few months so I don’t have to go through this process of healing. Some days I don’t feel strong enough to get through it.
I have panic attacks because I feel so dead inside and even when someone or a group of someones is around me, I still feel so empty and lonely. This is the worst depression I have ever been in. I can’t drive my car because I am honestly scared to drive anywhere because he used to drive all the time. Every time I get in the shower I scrub my skin raw trying to get the feeling of him off of me. I hardly eat at all and if it wasn’t for all the medicines I have to take I wouldn’t eat ever. I just want to crawl into a whole and hide from reality until this storm passes. I haven’t felt like this since my first love TJ killed himself. And even then I was young and more resilient than I am now. I just feel so empty.
Even if I hate him now, when he left he broke my soul. I felt like he was my soul mate and now I feel like I will never have another soul mate. The kind of love I had for him was a once in a lifetime, Great love. I have cried so much that my eyes are like pillows, all puffy and red. I don’t want to talk to anyone or see anyone, but I force myself. Being around my son makes me happy, but he knows mommy is hurting because he keeps hugging me. I just feel like the world isn’t the same. All the colors look black and white now, all the sounds are dull now, all the music is annoying me and I feel discontent. I want to make it all end, I just want to make my heart stop hurting but I can’t and nothing and nobody can fix it.
Have you ever been this heart broken? If so please tell me something that will help other than, “This too shall pass,” or “It will get easier,” because right now its not easier and its not passing so I need advice as to how to get through the right now! How do I move forward from this miserable pain? How do I learn to care about the little details I used to care so much about? Please post your comments and help me find a way to get through this. I need you all to tell me what I can try, because I am tapped out of giving advice to myself because its not getting me anywhere. Crawling into a ball and crying myself to sleep every night or just staying awake to avoid the whole situation is not helping me and I am desperate for some help! Tell me what you can do to make yourself feel better when someone has literally ripped your heart out, stomped on it, then put it back into your chest mangled, broken and barely beating?
Leave you comments below and thank you for taking the time to help me.
- Soul Mates and How to Recognize Yours (nicholegrimshaw.wordpress.com)
- When Looking for a Soul Mate, Be Happy with You. (joannaoftheforest.wordpress.com)
- Mental Health – From Shame to Seeking Help, Part Three: The Shame Of Failing To Be Happy (homeschoolersanonymous.wordpress.com)
- Three ways to find your Soulmate…. (intothesoul.com)
- You Can’t Find Your Soul Mate if You Show a Fake Soul (lmerlobooth.typepad.com)
- Question: So About Soulmates (jsparkblog.com)
- How you know you found the one. (stolenidentity2.wordpress.com)
- A Letter To My Soul Mate (missleta2u.wordpress.com)
- Does Time Really Heal All Wounds? (halcyonsoulcenter.wordpress.com)