There comes a point in a girls life when she knows what she doesn’t want and what she doesn’t need, but you I need with every fiber of my soul. I have searched for you my whole life. It was as if we passed each other a million times and never knew what we would have one day. I have always loved love and what it represented. I watched my parents love each other so much my whole life, watched them grow up together and raise my brothers, sister and I to be who will be. I always knew that was what I would have, but every relationship I tried broke me. I thought I would never find you. I thought it didn’t exist for me. I watched strong passionate relationships slip through my fingers, thinking I would never recover from every piece of my heart it took.
When I met you, I feared most what would happen if you broke my heart, what was left of it. You didn’t know that I was shaking inside when I told you I loved you. I was desperately searching for a way to run away, to salvage what was left of my heart. But you were different. You fixed my heart, and everyday you make me feel more alive and in love than the day before. The first time we made love, I knew in that moment I would never want to know life without you. In my mind, I believe that our souls found each other.
I am careful with myself, careful in everything I do, yet I am reckless in matters of the heart. You are teaching me to be more aware of my needs. When you are in pain, I feel it in a way that I never thought possible. I cannot make sense of the feelings I have for you. I cannot make myself understand them. I cannot be without you. I cannot know what it feels like to lose you and that is why I believe this is the first real love letter I have ever truly written in my life. You are my future, my home. The only place I want to be is where you are and where you want to be.
My mom told me when I met the person I was meant to be with, there would never be a doubt in my mind. I would give up every ounce of my being to be there for that person. This love is different than the love I have for my child but the love is so big it consumes a part of me I didn’t know existed. It’s like our love woke my soul and put my heart at peace.
Aside from raising my son and any future children I have, loving you is the only thing I want to be great at. I have lived my life being good at everything I try, never great, but I want to be great for you. I wish you would see what I see in you. There is this incredibly beautiful person with a heart of gold right beneath the surface of your skin. When you tell me you love me, a sparkle explodes in your amazing eyes and I can’t explain the feeling I get because I still can’t comprehend it.
I know that there is nothing I want more than you, nothing I ever wanted more than you. I love you Tyler. I want to always love you and grow old with you. I want to wake up next to you everyday for the rest of our days. I pray fate doesn’t have a different plan, but I want, I need, I crave you.