The Light at the end of the Garbage Can

Here’s the Back Story

First off, God is great and I am not writing this blog to complain.

I have been through some rough times over the past few weeks, struggling with unexplained pain in my abdomen and really trying hard to figure out why.  I have tried to push for answers, have tried to endure all the difficult tests; from blood work, urine samples and stool samples to procedures, x-rays and CT scans.  My body is not only exhausted but the pain lives on, pushing me into a corner and making me feel helpless.


I have been very blessed to have some of the most amazing nurses (who I now consider friends), including Lori, Katie and Berlinda. These wonderful women have been by my side lifting my spirits and giving me hope throughout the awful disappointment of getting no answers.  All of these ladies have been there even when I cried and especially when I laugh, giving me more than just hope.  I can only imagine that when they chose to become a nurses, they never imagined the impact they would make on each life they touch.  I feel as though I am one of their children and they treat me with a respect that cannot be fake or deceived.  God I am so beyond happy and thankful for you all, not just the ones I named but all of you.  You are all very special to me and the job you do everyday is hard and I can’t even begin to imagine what it is like to do what you do.  Here is some love for you and I can only hope that you all go home and care for yourselves the same way you care so diligently for us patients.  I definitely don’t think nurses get enough credit for all the hard work, energy, life saving and sacrifice you do for your patience.  THANK YOU!!! and here are some funnies:

The Crazy Downfall of Niki Maria: Yup I ate Shit


Tonight was a scary night! I started to have cramps in my belly like I needed to poop (sorry we all do it).  Then the sensation to puke started to happen.  I got out of my bed and made my way to the bathroom to take care of the pooping issue.  As soon as I got to the bathroom, the sensation to puke got way worse and so I sat on the toilet puking in the garbage can and pooping, which was not pretty.  This made the pain in my stomach unbearable.  I knew my nurse was coming because I told her that I was going to throw up.  Little did she know, I was sitting in the bathroom ready to faint.

Once Lori got to the bathroom, I looked at her and I remember saying, “I think I am going to faint,” and that’s the last thing I remember before being bombarded by nurses all over my room.  after that fabulous fainting session, I bought myself a ticket to “Fall Risk” land. Fall Risk patients wear yellow socks and usually have a yellow band on their arms, which someone decided not to give me, so my fashion remained a paisley green hospital gown with white undies, a red allergy tag and a white and blue hospital band.  However, they boobie trapped my bed with an alarm that went off when I tried to go potty.  (Note: Don’t boobie trap my bed unless you want me to piss my pants next time 😉 )

I don’t know how long I lost conciseness, but I am a lucky girl that Lori was there or I would have had a head injury or broken ligament.  Again, another win by the team of awesome nurses.  Thank you Martin Memorial Hospital for hiring these amazing women!  Note to Martin Memorial’s HR Department:  There are quite a few horrible nurses that I won’t call out in this blog, but I strongly recommend that you do a little more thorough “Ass-Hole” screening while hiring nurses because there are some real “Winners” in the emergency room.


If you have to get checked into a hospital anywhere in the tri-county of the Treasure Coast it is worth it to go to Martin Memorial North off East Ocean in Stuart because the MedSurg 4 East Nurses are ROCKSTARS!!!!!!  <— Notice the exclamations ….. Here’s a few more –> !!!!!!

The Hospital Struggle is REAL

On a serious note, the struggle of being in and out of the hospital for nearly two weeks has been hard on my family, hard on the man I love, hard on my babies, hard on my ex husband, hard on my friends and very very hard on me.  I never realized how much my friends and family needed me around and not being there has been a horrible feeling for me.  I have tried my best to make the best of the situation and try to bring joy to the people around me but I feel so sad and scared inside.  Being away from my babies is truly making this even more impossible for me.

I have given a lot of prayers to those around me who have taken the time to uphold normalcy for my boys and giving them love where I am unable to give it to them myself.  The only thoughts I have in my head at this point is fear of the unknown and love and trust in God.  As much as I am scared, I have God all around me.  I feel him touching my life right now.  I feel him giving me his energy and love while I suffer through this unknown and uncharted territory.

Inside my small room, I have a room mate.  I look to my right and I see a woman who has lost her leg.  I don’t know why, but my poor room mate has lost a ligament of her body, and it breaks my heart for her and for her family.  In my heart, it feels so wrong to even ask God to take care of me, when this poor woman is suffering more than me.  I am just going to do my best at this point to give all of this pain, sadness, fear and hardship to God for him to handle.  He has done so much for me.  He has given me so many blessings already.  I am so lucky to be able to be a part of this lesson even when it seems impossible to get through.  We must never forget that even in the hardest of times, God is teaching us a lesson and once it is revealed we can get closer to our purpose.


Every woman says how lucky she is to have her man, but it’s my turn to say it.  I have the best, goofiest, smartest, sweetest, sexiest and beyond amazing man I could have ever asked for.  Even when we fight, no one in this world could love me better than him.  Tonight, he came all the way to the hospital to see me, but he also took my oldest son here to see me and it made my night to see them both.  I am so proud of Tyler.  He is the most amazing father to our son, the most loving step father to my son and an absolutely perfect man for me.  Because of him, I have been fighting harder to go home.  I want to be back with him so I can see him when I go to bed and when I wake up.   With tears of joy literally running down my face right now, I know with every fiber of my being that this man is the one I will spend the rest of my life with.  No matter how long or short it may be, I can’t do this life without you.  When you showed up tonight and brought me my boy, you made me day brighter than the sun.  I love you and I will never get tired of telling you. I can’t wait to marry you.

My Friends

When you go through something big, that is when you realize who your friends are.  I know a lot of my “friends” have kids but I am realizing through this experience that most of the people I thought were good friends are actually more concerned with themselves.  It doesn’t make me mad, in fact it doesn’t bother me at all and I am not writing this blog to focus on those people but I just wanted to make mention that this is something I am noticing.  The true friends, the ones who care so much and make an effort this one is for you. Thank you for caring about me in my biggest time of need.  Your efforts to stay in touch have not gone unnoticed.


How do you top that perfect Blog?  I said it all, I said everything I felt from the top to the bottom.  I feel like I just expressed every ounce of emotion inside of me and I feel completely free.  I am So blessed from all the wonderfulness I have in my life and all the new wonderfulness that come into my life.

Redhead girl at wheat field

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