Beautiful Deception

A cross between confusion and chaos

a place to lye down,

a heart confused and lost

the slow safe sound.

 

Being here, being safe

a life she knows not of,

a heart that seems unbroken

one that yearns for love.

 

Being chosen by you

being unwound with you,

it consumes her consumes all

everything you do.

 

She used to believe it

Used to dream of it,

the world changed

dreams of a fire spit

 

You can’t fix the pain

the place that doesn’t exist,

its all locked inside

love blows throw insistent.

 

Beautiful deception it was

beautiful enough to cry,

ugly enough to run

ugly enough to lie.

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Someday… Someone….

Every time I reflect,

every time I remember,

My insides lose sight of reason,

my mind is blank, un-rendered.

 

Pain is suffocating,

logic is a device,

to be fine alone,

one must learn to sacrifice.

 

Deep inside I cry,

Deep within I break,

I won’t tell you

it’s because of your hate.

 

Someday someone

something somehow,

wish it was you

But your too late now.

Photo by Mob.org
Photo by Mob.org

Resilient

Written Febuary 29, 2012 (Leap Year)

Resilient.

They say I am,

But who can tell

Not just them.

 

A rubber band

A bounce back pro,

I fall on my face

Then get up and go.

 

I can’t sit back

And claim this defeat,

I keep climbing

on my own two feet.

 

I claw and I punch

The walls that block my path,

Somehow return home

To reflect on my past.

 

So a rubber band

A bounce back pro,

I’m stronger now

Than you’ll ever know.

 

Note for the Author:

I wrote this poem after I hit rock bottom in Texas.  I was unhappy with my life, my decisions and the jerk I was with, but I kept talking myself into dealing with it.  Then he left, went home to Alabama, and I was able to get a break from his bullshit, and I found resilience.  The poem was how I felt about my ability to move forward from the wreckage.  I may have allowed him to come back into my life, but it was never real.  I hope you enjoy.

-Nic<3

 

My Kevin

Explanation:  This poem was written a long time ago back in 2008 when Kevin and I welcomed our son Sebastian into the world.  We were together from May 20, 2005 until August 15, 2013 when we separated.  We are still in the process of filing our divorce.  This is how I felt at one point during my marriage to Kevin Froehlich.  He is a good man and gave me my perfect baby boy, Sebastian.

my kevin by nm

I loved you then as I love you now,

I  feel you in my spirit and I know you somehow.

Here I stand seeing you from a distance,

You make my heart jump out of my chest for an instant.

You are the love I fell for before I knew you,

And you are the tender beat that gives me the life I always knew.

My life is complete because I have you,

Tell me your secrets tell me your truths.

Now that we have made it lets unite our hearts,

And let’s spend forever never being apart.