I have never been, nor will I ever be, a person who will force religion or God on anyone. My opinions and feelings are my own and I came to them on my own. I am writing this post because today my best friend and I had a really good talk about God and how she doesn’t feel connected to him like she feels she should. In my bible study group, where I am with about 20 or so women who are in their personal journey with Christ, I learned that letting God in is a very intimate and personal decision. Just a little back story about my journey, I was never much of a believer. I attended church because my mom made me and I never felt connected or in need of God in my life. I found God as a myth and that he couldn’t be real because I couldn’t see him or feel him or touch him. As a child, I didn’t care because I was carefree and didn’t realize how important he really is. I went through a lot in my life and often turned to my mom or my friends for guidance and support and never had the strength to deal with it all. That is when I realized I was missing something big in my life, but I didn’t realize it was Him.
God did so much for me, all along I thought nothing of it. I never thanked him, praised him or gave him any of my energy, and up until I was 25, I really never opened a bible. I always thought that God loved me so much that no matter what he would forgive me for not paying attention to him, but the truth is, he deserves my attention. After all everything I have is because of Him.
What opened my eyes!
It happened very slowly. I moved into a house in the country, where my landlords lived on the same property and my family and I rented a guest cottage on the property. My landlords were heavily involved with their church, offering to take us to church on Sunday’s to meet their fabulous church family. We politely declined the offer because it wasn’t really something we wanted to do (and not for any particular reason). One day my landlords wife asked me if I would like to come to a women’s bible study with her. I had always been fascinated with the idea of digging into the bible, especially since I was 25 when I started literally reading the Old Testament just to see what it was all about.
I decided to go and without any exaggeration, I believe it forever changed me.
Being in that room surrounded by these women, both young and old, who had so much peace and happiness in their lives because of how close to God they are, made me not only feel the need to know Him but to truly praise Him for all the amazing things he did in my life. It’s so hard to look back at a time when I didn’t choose Him or when I didn’t let Him in because that time in my life was not as peaceful as my life is now. Again, I don’t preach religion, nor do I tell people to do right by God because it isn’t my place nor my business but I can truly say with the utmost respect that without God I wouldn’t be as happy or as full of peace and love as I am today. The feeling of knowing him, even just the small taste I have already had and the many more memories and peaceful thoughts I will have while wrapped in his love, could absolutely never be replaced.
God is love… So much love that it soaks you with the wealth and peace and knowledge that comes with His presence in your life. This life is such a small part of what will be, such a small fragment of what happens to you. When you spend that small fragment knowing, trusting and having faith in His power, only then can you begin to imagine the beauty of what will happen when your soul leaves your body and enters into its home, it’s heaven.
Going back to the conversation with my friend. She and I both notice an emptiness inside her that she lacks an eternal love and the feeling of Gods loving arms. I would never tell her that she has to find God, but I know in my heart that if she lets me, I will show her the peace and love I feel just from believing in Him and His infinite love for all living and nonliving things.
There is so much I could say about my Heavenly Father, so many words to describe the feeling of knowing He has my back, but there has never been a moment since I started to have real faith that I have questioned the things he has done for me. He gave me the love of my life, he gave me my two perfect little boys, he gave me a brain that is perfect for running a business and being successful at it, he gave me a home to afford and filled my home with people that not only love me, but mean more than the world to me.
How can you begin to thank someone for every good thing you have when you still can’t believe that you have all of it? I don’t know how to be more grateful, how to be more worthy and all I can hope for is that I am able to spend the rest of my life being faithful and true to Him.
Thank you for my life, for every breath you give me, for my beautiful children who are both healthy and absolutely perfect, for a man who loves me unconditionally, who challenges me to be the best woman I can be. Thank you for all the amazing people that you put in my life, friends, family, children; and thank you for ensuring that I do right by them all. Thank you for my tiny little home and even though I complain about how small it is, thank you for allowing it to be mine. Thank you for my best friend who is truly the most amazing and successful friendship I have ever had, and thank you for realizing how badly and deeply I needed her in my life. Thank you for my parents who worked so hard and did everything they could to raise me and my brothers and sister the best way they could. Thank you for my siblings and their health and happiness. Thank you for Delmar, who has truly been the biggest blessing and joy to have around. Thank you for giving him the strength and the wisdom to quit drinking and lead a healthier life, and thank you for giving me the knowledge and resources to be his advocate throughout his difficult journey. Thank you for Kathy who took care of and still helps to care for my bohs. Thank you for my grandmother who is truly one of the most important people in my life. Thank you for Ryan and Ashley because they have bought so much happiness and joy into my life and into my career. Thank you for my bible study friends who you have put in my life to help me gain wisdom and begin to have an unbreakable bond with you. Thank you for my talents in juggling business, motherhood and a happy, strong and passionate love for a man who never takes me for granite. Thank you for healing my heart from all the heart ache and pain of my past and helping me find peace in letting go of those painful memories. Thank you for the doctors that have helped me in many ways to be the healthiest version of myself. Thank you for Kevin and the special relationship that we have while coparenting our son. Thank you for all the lessons I have learned and all the ones I have yet to learn. Above all else, thank you from the bottom of my heart for always loving me and being there for me when I need your help most. I praise you for your unfailing faith in me and for every ounce of happiness I have. Your love is so filling that I know I could never experience hate, that I could never lose myself to my own selfish desires and for that I am eternally grateful. The most important thing that I want you to know God is that I am no longer afraid to die, I know from the very foundation of my being that I have you. For All the sins and all the pain of my past, I am truly sorry. I let myself down and I let you down when I should have spent my time being the good person I know I can be and who I am choosing to be now. I am asking you to help me mend my heart from all the regret, sadness, lies, deceitful behavior and blatant disregard I had for you. I want to make sure that I spend from this moment forward being the person you always intended for me to be. I am beyond blessed to have a chance to build a relationship with you, and I hope in the rest of my life that I find a way to make you proud of me every chance I get.
I know this blog was very deep and I appreciate all of you who took the time to read it. I have to ask my followers, do you have God in your life? If not, I completely understand and I pray that you find him if you see fit to do so, but if so, what is one thing that you feel most about his presence in your life? What are some of the ways that you thank your God for His presence and love in your life? I want to get closer to my God and I would love to read anything that any of you would like to share about your personal journey with our creator. This post is so important to me. It really holds a lot of very intimate details about my personal appreciations and gratitude. If nothing else, I hope whoever reads this finds the comfort and jog of God as His love and dedication can move mountains in your life.
Thank you for your support of my posts, I am really going to try and make more frequent posts. I hope I didn’t bore anyone too much with my therapeutic post about my one truly unbreakable bond.